Facebook Fun 080110

Dale Pulliam ‎"Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!"'Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."--Lewis Carroll--(Through The Looking Glass)

Faye Graham likes this.

Jackie Oliver Magoon:     Goes together like.... unicorns and glitter!

Susan Matches DeLano Jackie:    ....as I was reading your post, that commercial was on TV! LOL!

Your humble scribe?  Below.




ASK A UNICORN HUNTER



Dear Unicorn Hunter,

I am 38 years old, and fear that my husband may be cheating on me. He's been telling me he's being forced to work "overtime" at his salaried job. I know they hired a new personnel manager who's a "hottie," because I overheard him talking to his work buddies at the company picnic. He's never worked this much "overtime" before, and he never seems to feel romantic when we have time alone anymore. He says it's because he's "tired." To top it off, she's been calling him at home at all hours. He says it's "business related," and not to worry. What should I do?

Worried in Idaho



Dear Worried in Idaho:

A common mistake many beginning Unicorn Hunters make is letting their emotions cloud their natural hunting instincts.

Something about that horn, eh? Just begs you to take a headshot, doesn't it? Don’t worry. Happens to everyone. Don't let its seductive magical powers fool you. Don't forget your roots. "CMA" your shot. Center Mass Always. Just like a deer or a human, it's not going to go very far with a gaping cavity where its heart used to be. Even if you aren't exactly on-target, you're going to get something important that's going to make that Unicorn's life short and difficult.


THE UNICORN HUNTER


Dear Unicorn Hunter,

I've been happily married for 15 years. My wife has always been there for me, and we have relied on each other's strength to make it through life together. She is my rock.

Times are tough, as I'm sure you're well aware. My company has been seen its fair share of economic problems, as most companies have. Hell, the only reason I've been able to keep my job up to this point is my seniority. I've been with the company since the beginning.

As you can imagine, with all the down-sizing, I'm now doing the work of four people. Because I'm a salaried employee, I'm not eligible for overtime. The only way I was able to keep up with MY job description before the lay-offs, was to work my ass off, 40 hours a week. With the additional workload, I'm lucky to get home before 10pm. Most nights I'm walking through the door as the credits roll on Leno. Or is it Conan? Hell, I'm so tired anymore, I couldn't really tell you. It's some smartass with big hair, whoever he is.

Anyway, my wife doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of "Recession." I have told her until I'm blue in the face how stressfull this is for me, and how at the same time, I'm lucky to have a damn job in the first place. Now she thinks I'm having an affair with the new broad in personnel!

I'm not saying the lady doesn't look good in an above-knee skirt and fitted white blouse, but she's more of a hunter than you are. Woe to the man that winds up cashing THAT check. Not only that, who do you think oversees every move I make, and keeps coming up with more shit to do? I wouldn't hit that with a borrowed stick.

What can I do to make my wife understand I love her, the economy is in the shitter, and the Fembot From Hell is working me into the ground?


Perplexed in the Potato State



Dear Perplexed:

Another "Beginner's Bungle" is falling for the old "Disappearing in a Cloud of Smoke" trick.

Everyone has heard how a Unicorn disappears in a cloud of magical smoke any time danger threatens. What most people DON'T know, is where they "go."

It's an airless void, between space and time. Since it is in fact "between," there is no "space," therefore there is no light, energy, or black holes to deal with. They can stay there as long as they can hold their breath, free from the life-sucking aspects of space that would smash you flatter than a shrinky-dink if you took a stroll from the Mir station without a space suit.

And remember: Unicorns are just like humans. Sure, a few of them are jocks, and practice holding their breath like human free-divers, but by and large, they're just like you and me. Maybe a minute and a half, two minutes tops.

When that cute little sucker goes "POOF!," stay focused. Keep tracking the general area of the smoke with your sights. Sure, he's gone now, but sooner than later, he's going to run out of air, and he'll be back within a 20 ft. radius of where he disappeared. When he reappears, you’ll be ready. Not going to take another head shot, are you? Didn't think so.


THE UNICORN HUNTER



Middle-aged son stuck in the basement like black mold? In-laws pulling your spouse's strings? Uncle Billy not following the terms of the restraining order? Remember to ASK A UNICORN HUNTER!