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Thursday, August 5, 2010

"Tasers in the night...exchanging glances...tasers in the night..."

Here's an interesting news story:

http://www.tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/death-of-teen-on-bike-shows-risks-of-expanded-use-of-tasers/1112106

Reading the news story is rather paramount to being able to make sense out of What Lies Below.

A different source published their version of the story, along with this link, on Facebook.  Of course the reaction was predictable.  "Waaaahh!  Waaaaahh! Waaaaahh!" 

I didn't like the original link that much, as it was just another whining "news source" of sorts that gives liberals a bad name.  I prefer the poop from the people in the area news services.

What I saw, was that no one was addressing the real sociological problems here.  When boiled down to its base form, it's really just another story of a cop using poor judgment, well, no judgement at all in this case, who also happened to have an itchy trigger finger, no matter what type of trigger it's on at the time.  Hell, that's been going on since the Romans had those thugs cruising through town every night, supposedly to "protect" the public.

To really change behaviours in our society, we need to dig deeper, and try and figure out why things like this occur in the first place.  Are officers of the law in this country getting too used to whipping out a taser instead of using tried-and-true "control" holds?  Are they prepared to handle suspects if their batteries are low?  Is it a character flaw with this one cop?  Does the availability of a taser cause officers of the law to forgo that workout, or cause minimum physical requirements to be changed when hiring officers?

Instead, all we get is a bunch of momentarily enthusiastic responses, wailing to the skies above about how horrible the officer was, how tragic the boy died, blah, blah, blah.  After a day or two of being coolertalk fodder, everyone will go on with their lives.  The real questions about how to keep this from ever happening again will fade like fog meeting the morning sun.

Well, maybe if I blow it all out of proportion, say a bunch of weird stuff, and spread it around to show just how ridiculously we handle problems as a society now, it might do something.

At the least it was very cathartic for me, and kept me from getting bored, or ring'd with the azure world.

MY COMMENT:

For pity’s sake people, just how naïve ARE you? Don’t you see what’s REALLY going on here? Who the REAL villain is in this heart-rending page from the Story of Today’s America, and who the REAL victim is?

Don’t you read the papers? Watch the news? Read all those memo-updates to the policy and procedures manual where you work, and be held responsible for initialing and dating each and every one? Haven’t you ever had any kind of contact with an attorney in your blinder-fitted lives? Please.

Okay, okay, I get it. You’re thinking, “Well gee, the poor MCC (Mentally Challenged Child) was just riding a bike he borrowed from his friend, and the mean old cop shot a taser at him because he wouldn’t stop, and then ran him over, and then planted a 9mm “throwdown” on him.”

No, no, and no. You just don’t get it. You’ve got to get hip to the mindset of the 21st century. You’re like, so 1999. Okay, I can see you need help, so I’ll try and teach you how to interpret how we see life TODAY, in These United States:

First, you have to understand who the REAL villain is. It is, of course, the FRIEND WHO LOANED VICTOR THE BICYCLE, and the THE ILLEGAL AND HARMFUL ACTIONS caused by his careless disregard for all humanity.

Second, you have to understand who the REAL victim is in this case, the DEDICATED, WATCHFUL SERVANT OF THE PUBLIC, Officer Ard.

You see, in Today’s America, someone, somewhere, specifically and totally unrelated to what you’re talking about at the time, has to take THE BLAME. It can’t be Officer Ard, and it certainly can’t be Victor, because THEY WERE THE ONES DIRECTLY INVOLVED. See?

Okay, stop thinking about what you saw on the cover of the “Enquirer” when you were picking up some things for dinner on the way home from work, and pay attention.

THE REAL VILLAIN as stated before, is the murderous criminal that was solely and completely responsible for EVERYTHING THAT OCCURRED THAT EARLY, EARLY MORNING, by loaning Victor, the MCC, the bicycle that allowed the WHEELS OF HEADY MURDER to start spinning in the first place.

This villain, whoever he is, is responsible for Victor’s death, and additionally, GUILTY of putting the citizenry at risk by keeping Officer Ard from being available to respond to other calls for service. Officer Ard COULD have responded to help others in need, or get some donuts, if not for the villain’s villainous lending of the bicycle to Victor.

Judged by action alone, this “person,” took responsibility for anything that might happen to Victor by allowing him to ride his bicycle on public streets and right-of-ways, potentially putting NOT ONLY VICTOR, BUT ANYONE VICTOR CAME IN CONTACT WITH by KNOWINGLY LOANING HIS BICYCLE TO VICTOR.

That takes us to the REAL VICTIM, Officer Ard.

In just a few brief moments of time, this DEATH MERCHANT bike-loaner shattered Officer Ard’s life into little itty-bitty pieces. Not one person can say with conviction that OFFICER ARD’S LIFE WILL EVER BE THE SAME. Ever.

Simply trying to do his duty as a sworn instrument of all that is good and proper, Officer Ard valiantly engaged Victor, POSSIBLE PERPATRATOR OF A HORRIBLE THEFT, and rider of the BICYCLE FROM HELL. Disregarding his own safety, Officer Ard wheeled his patrol vehicle around at great peril to his person, and doggedly began his pursuit of the Mentally Challenged Child.

At speeds approaching 15-20 miles per hour, Officer Ard continued to disregard any concern for his own personal safety, throwing it out the window along with numerous requests for the possibly FLEEING MISDEMEANOR SUSPECT to stop.

Professionally and calmly handling what only highly trained emergency responders can, driving 15-20 miles per hour and simultaneously yelling out the window, this SELFLESS SOLDIER OF JUSTICE further taunted the Grim Reaper by daring to risk life and limb as he fired a taser out of the window at the THEFT FROM CONSTRUCTION SITE suspect, while incredibly maintaining control of his powerful STEED OF STEEL, his patrol car.

Now plug in the fact that the OOZE-BELCHING DEMON OF DARKNESS loaned the SUSPECTED AGENT OF ANARCHY the bicycle in the first place, causing this SCENARIO OF UTTER DESTRUCTION. Now take the WHEELED CAULDRON OF DOOM (bicycle) out of the equation entirely. Not having this discussion, are we? See? It’s easy.

Oh, wait. Two months later, Victor the MCC was no longer a THEFT FROM CONSTRUCTION SITE suspect…he was a TRAFFIC VIOLATION SUSPECT FOR ONLY HAVING TWO REFLECTORS ON THE BICYCLE HE WAS RIDING, without the proper safety accessories THAT ARE REQUIRED BY LAW. Hey, it’s a jungle out there. Theft From Construction Site, Traffic Violation, Murder, Rape, whatever. Officer Ard knew he was breaking the law. That’s his job.

This HITLERESQUE MINION OF EVIL KNEW, OR SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that the bicycle he loaned Victor was not equipped, as required by law, with the necessary safety equipment required for operation at night.

Flaunting society and convention, refusing to accept known safety standards made into law by REALLY IMPORTANT PEOPLE DOING REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS, this SON OF SATAN not only killed Victor as surely as stabbing him to death with a dull fork, he put EVERY CITIZEN OF THAT CITY in mortal danger, and caused irreparable harm to the mental health and psyche of every badge-wearing foot soldier of justice from sea to righteous police-state sea.

So now, as a direct result of this SPAWN OF IDI AMIN’S BRIMSTONE-SCARRED LOINS actions, a young boy lies cold and dead in a lonely grave, and Officer Ard’s life has been reduced to one heartbreaking day after another, asking the Creator what he did wrong to warrant the burden this tragic miscarriage of all that is RIGHT AND GOOD lays upon his tortured soul.

Now he spends his days fighting despicable allegations of “improperly” using a taser, and the waters are further muddied by accusations of this supposed 9mm “throw-down” that some ambulance-jockey said they found in Victor’s pocket. Why is Officer Ard, a PARAMOUR OF TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND THE AMERICAN WAY the first person these ANGELS OF EVIL attack? What about the SOCIOPATHIC FLESH-EATER that loaned Victor the bicycle? What’s wrong with a little 9mm with your BILE-ENCRUSTED BICYCLE OF CHAOS, hmmmm?

Jeez kids, let’s step in line, and quit with the stinkin’ thinkin.’ It ain’t the 80’s anymore, and Loc’s not down with these LADIES OF LIBERTY. Get hip, or get lost. It’s time to drag yourself kicking and screaming into today, and get it right. Jump on this crazy train now, or you’re going to be left standing at the STATION OF IGNORANCE, holding onto an antiquated schedule that no longer is valid in today’s interpretation of RIGHT AND WRONG.

This ain’t the Summer of Love anymore you hippies, Godless yippy’s, and dust-covered worshippers of knee-jerk liberalized thinking. Time to move over and let the big dogs eat. Take your tear-filled granola bars, and feed’em to someone who cares. Big Dogs eat MEAT.

Facebook Fun 080110

Dale Pulliam ‎"Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!"'Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."--Lewis Carroll--(Through The Looking Glass)

Faye Graham likes this.

Jackie Oliver Magoon:     Goes together like.... unicorns and glitter!

Susan Matches DeLano Jackie:    ....as I was reading your post, that commercial was on TV! LOL!

Your humble scribe?  Below.




ASK A UNICORN HUNTER



Dear Unicorn Hunter,

I am 38 years old, and fear that my husband may be cheating on me. He's been telling me he's being forced to work "overtime" at his salaried job. I know they hired a new personnel manager who's a "hottie," because I overheard him talking to his work buddies at the company picnic. He's never worked this much "overtime" before, and he never seems to feel romantic when we have time alone anymore. He says it's because he's "tired." To top it off, she's been calling him at home at all hours. He says it's "business related," and not to worry. What should I do?

Worried in Idaho



Dear Worried in Idaho:

A common mistake many beginning Unicorn Hunters make is letting their emotions cloud their natural hunting instincts.

Something about that horn, eh? Just begs you to take a headshot, doesn't it? Don’t worry. Happens to everyone. Don't let its seductive magical powers fool you. Don't forget your roots. "CMA" your shot. Center Mass Always. Just like a deer or a human, it's not going to go very far with a gaping cavity where its heart used to be. Even if you aren't exactly on-target, you're going to get something important that's going to make that Unicorn's life short and difficult.


THE UNICORN HUNTER


Dear Unicorn Hunter,

I've been happily married for 15 years. My wife has always been there for me, and we have relied on each other's strength to make it through life together. She is my rock.

Times are tough, as I'm sure you're well aware. My company has been seen its fair share of economic problems, as most companies have. Hell, the only reason I've been able to keep my job up to this point is my seniority. I've been with the company since the beginning.

As you can imagine, with all the down-sizing, I'm now doing the work of four people. Because I'm a salaried employee, I'm not eligible for overtime. The only way I was able to keep up with MY job description before the lay-offs, was to work my ass off, 40 hours a week. With the additional workload, I'm lucky to get home before 10pm. Most nights I'm walking through the door as the credits roll on Leno. Or is it Conan? Hell, I'm so tired anymore, I couldn't really tell you. It's some smartass with big hair, whoever he is.

Anyway, my wife doesn't seem to be able to grasp the concept of "Recession." I have told her until I'm blue in the face how stressfull this is for me, and how at the same time, I'm lucky to have a damn job in the first place. Now she thinks I'm having an affair with the new broad in personnel!

I'm not saying the lady doesn't look good in an above-knee skirt and fitted white blouse, but she's more of a hunter than you are. Woe to the man that winds up cashing THAT check. Not only that, who do you think oversees every move I make, and keeps coming up with more shit to do? I wouldn't hit that with a borrowed stick.

What can I do to make my wife understand I love her, the economy is in the shitter, and the Fembot From Hell is working me into the ground?


Perplexed in the Potato State



Dear Perplexed:

Another "Beginner's Bungle" is falling for the old "Disappearing in a Cloud of Smoke" trick.

Everyone has heard how a Unicorn disappears in a cloud of magical smoke any time danger threatens. What most people DON'T know, is where they "go."

It's an airless void, between space and time. Since it is in fact "between," there is no "space," therefore there is no light, energy, or black holes to deal with. They can stay there as long as they can hold their breath, free from the life-sucking aspects of space that would smash you flatter than a shrinky-dink if you took a stroll from the Mir station without a space suit.

And remember: Unicorns are just like humans. Sure, a few of them are jocks, and practice holding their breath like human free-divers, but by and large, they're just like you and me. Maybe a minute and a half, two minutes tops.

When that cute little sucker goes "POOF!," stay focused. Keep tracking the general area of the smoke with your sights. Sure, he's gone now, but sooner than later, he's going to run out of air, and he'll be back within a 20 ft. radius of where he disappeared. When he reappears, you’ll be ready. Not going to take another head shot, are you? Didn't think so.


THE UNICORN HUNTER



Middle-aged son stuck in the basement like black mold? In-laws pulling your spouse's strings? Uncle Billy not following the terms of the restraining order? Remember to ASK A UNICORN HUNTER!